A fulfilling marriage can be one of life's most rewarding experiences, offering companionship, love, trust, security, and growth. Maintaining a deep connection with your partner in a fast-paced world can be challenging and hard to find time for. Whether you are fresh off your honeymoon, or have been married for thirty-five years, it’s important to understand what builds a successful relationship. Effective communication, managing expectations, showing your love, and changing the flow of your relationship, are essential to a fulfilling marriage.
1. Communicate effectively. One of the most important aspects of a healthy marriage is being able to communicate effectively with one another. When juggling children, work and life, communication tends to be focused on household tasks, and work updates but we often forget about our partners thoughts and feelings. Taking the time to sit down once a day to have a conversation about your worlds can be a great way to improve communication and bond with your partner. Try to avoid talking about work and kids and try asking your partner things like “What are you most proud of this year?” or fun hypotheticals like “Where would you travel if you won free flights for a year?”. Taking the time to go back to the basics, almost like you are on a first date again, is a great way to bring some spark back to your conversations.
2. Expect less, get more. Many of us dream of our future partners for years, building our idea of a perfect marriage in our heads, only to be disappointed by our real-world relationships. Happy couples have realistic expectations for each other. Although we would love those expectations to be met, avoiding unnecessary frustration means lowering your expectations. Rather than getting upset about tasks that were not completed, take a minute to thank and appreciate your partner for the ones that did get done. Taking a moment to recognize that work by using compliments and affirmation will encourage the completion of the uncompleted tasks. One thing you and your partner can do is a simple exercise where both of you write down two expectations for your relationship (dealbreakers, how you'd like to be treated). This tool can help couples see what is truly important to them.
3. Show your love. Love can be expressed in so many ways without words yet, couples often forget that expressing your love through compliments, and affirmation is one of the most impactful ways to show someone you love them. Complementing your wife's haircut is expected but complimenting the way that your wife mothers her children and thanking her for that gift is a meaningful way to express your gratitude to her. Using words of affirmation like “I appreciate it when you…” or “you bring so much joy to my day” are small but extremely impactful ways to express your love for someone. Another small way to show your love is by doing small acts of kindness for your partner. Small gestures like turning on the coffee pot in the morning, sending them a flirty email at work, or buying them flowers are small, and often inexpensive ways to show your love to someone.
4. Do not be afraid of change. When you are in a long-term relationship, it is normal to get into a “rut,” meaning that you may be feeling a bit bored, or distant from your partner. Implementing change can be an extremely helpful tool to help you spice up your relationship. Trying a new restaurant, taking a cooking class, or testing out something new in the bedroom are all ways you can make your marriage more exciting. When life gets busy, it’s easy to forget about going on dates, or making your partner feel special, yet quality time is an essential aspect of a fulfilling marriage.
So, what is the secret to a happy marriage? If you ask this question to 100 couples, each of them would say something different. Every couple needs to find the balance that helps them find what makes their marriage successful, this includes finding a way to communicate effectively, keeping their expectations realistic, showing their love in many ways, and finding time to spice up their lives. Although it seems simple on paper, finding your balance as a couple takes time, and effort from both members to find exactly what works for them. If you or your partner are struggling to find that balance, seeking professional help from a couple's counselor can guide you and your partner to happiness.
“A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love.” — Pearl S. Buck.
If you'd like to learn more about how to improve connection in your relationship, contact us at 416 949 9878 or email us at info@georgetowncouplestherapy.com to set up your free no obligations consultation.
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